anujsannoyances.org — precision is kindness. also stop saying that.
🚨 NEW NODE ONLINE • stop saying electrons when you mean electricity • “software-defined” does not mean “contains software” • a benchmark is not a workload • this page best viewed in Netscape Navigator at emotional resolution 1024x768 •
annoyance_registry.exe▁ ▢ ✕
WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL ANUJ STANDARDS BUREAU
This site documents recurring phrases that make Anuj stare at the ceiling for a few seconds and then ask what anyone thinks the words mean. The tone is affectionate. The standard is precision.
REGISTERED ANNOYANCE #001
Stop calling it electrons. It’s electricity.
PHYSICS CRIME: Microscopic particles are not a free poetic substitute for the thing that comes out of the wall.
SEVERITY: ELEVATED STATUS: CORRECTABLE ACTION: USE BETTER WORDS
REGISTERED ANNOYANCE #002
Software-defined?? Like is my building software-defined because I use light switches??
BUZZWORD ABUSE: A control interface is not the same thing as software materially reconfiguring the system over time.
SEVERITY: HIGH HABITAT: VENDOR DECKS ACTION: DEFINE TERMS
REGISTERED ANNOYANCE #003
Up and to the right is not exponential.
GROWTH WORD CRIME: “It went up” is not math, and a line with ambition is still just a line.
SEVERITY: HIGH HABITAT: PRESS QUOTES ACTION: SHOW THE CURVE
REGISTERED ANNOYANCE #004
Putting Kafka in the diagram does not make it streaming.
ARCHITECTURE THEATER: A logo in a box is not a data model, a pipeline, or a system that actually behaves the way you’re implying.
SEVERITY: HIGH HABITAT: ARCH DIAGRAMS ACTION: DESCRIBE THE FLOW
REGISTERED ANNOYANCE #005
Three services and a queue is not a distributed system.
SYSTEMS POSTURING: Splitting it up a little does not automatically promote the thing into a grand new category.
SEVERITY: ELEVATED HABITAT: REORG MEMOS ACTION: NAME THE CONSTRAINT
REGISTERED ANNOYANCE #006
Benchmarks aren’t workloads lol, do the work.
PERFORMANCE WORD CRIME: A canned test is not the messy thing users actually do, and pretending otherwise is how you get surprised in production.
SEVERITY: CRITICAL HABITAT: PERF DECKS ACTION: RUN THE REAL THING
REPORT A TERMINOLOGY INCIDENT
Observed a phrase borrowing the prestige of a technical term without carrying any of the meaning? File an incident report for Bureau review.